Sunday, February 14, 2010

Boycott February


As February is well into its prime, I can't help but start to feel the itch.
The inevitable.
Everyone is irritable. The usually-pleasant coworkers. The way-too-cheerful guy who serves me Starbucks. Liquor store guy.

The sun has started to peep out. This is a great first step, but really serves no purpose other than being a nasty tease.
Sun equals warmth in my brain, but this sun brings no warmth. Just confusion, as I step outside on my way to work in the morning, because yes, I wholeheartedly expected it to be at least 50 degrees because it looked so goddamn sunny outside.


I'm ready. Ready for those first warm days where you swear it's warm enough to wear shorts and flip-flops, but it's really just barely above freezing. Still in the 40's. But 40's has never felt so 80's.

The month of February, solely, is responsible for me wanting to move to a warmer climate. Sure, February, beat it into the ground, with your gray slush, bitter winds, and below freezing temperatures. I GET IT. IT'S BEEN WINTER FOR MONTHS NOW.

Really, everyone's life would be so much better without February. It's not even a full-length month anyhow! I vote to have it removed from the calendar. Imagine- you're feeling the afterglow from the holidays. Christmas, Hanukah, New Year's- it's all over and you're getting back to work. Instead of having to schlep through the anus of the annual calendar (I'm looking at you, February), you move briskly into March, which may bring some wind and rain, but also warmer weather with it.

You're finally free! You can go for walks (and runs!) outside, you can go to museums, parks, and eat outdoors again. Your city (or town!) finally has LIFE again.

For the greater mental and physical health of all humans that deal with temperate climates, we need to BOYCOTT FEBRUARY.

Who really cares if we lose Valentine's Day anyway?
And those black people can have their history month some other time, anyhoo.

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